Learn How to Walk on Water
Conquering Fear vs. Walking on Water
Step 1:
Develop Clarity
The Shift
Conquering fear means you have a battle with fear and you win. You summon up your courage, whistle a happy tune, and you come through to the other side. My daughter once asked me, If you are courageous does that mean you arent afraid? I answered, No, youre afraid and you do it (whatever it is you are afraid of) anyway. Being courageous is a wonderful trait but it takes a lot of energy to battle with fear.
The Leap
Walking on water means rising above your fears by not giving them attention and energy. This means you dont have to act in the face of fear, win a battle, or make the fears go away. The fear can still be there, totally intact, but you do not identify with the fear! As the observer of the fear you are separate from the fear and you can choose to put your attention on something other than the fear. When you take action from here, the action will be more effective because youre not using up your energy dealing with the fear.
Take the example of the way race car drivers are trained: They fear hitting the wall on a treacherous curve. If they focus on the wall, thats where the race car will wind up. So they are taught to focus on a spot ahead of the curve, ahead of the wall, and thats where the race car goes. Focus on the future you want, not the fear that is keeping you from getting there.
Step 2:
Change Your Thinking
Change your focus
When you choose to focus on You the observer, rather than the situation as something outside of your control, the fears lose their power over you. Fear is always about the future, something that cant be anticipated or controlled; its the unknown. You, the one who can observe and respond to the situations, represent the known and the stability within the changing situations. You have the ability to observe the situation, choose your focus, be present in the moment, and take effective action.
Snapshots
My coaching client, Diane, dreaded attending a family reunion. She had always felt slighted, misunderstood and unappreciated by her family. Being around them was a frustrating experience. Whenever Diane expressed herself within the family, she felt nobody listened to her or cared about her opinions. So far, Dianes only option had been to pretend to be someone else who fit in.
Diane wanted to maintain a relationship with her family without feeling like a sham. She valued family unity and it was important to her that they would always be there for one another in a pinch, no matter what. As Dianes coach, I suggested she run an experiment: Attend the reunion without trying to change anything or anyone, including herself. Instead, I suggested that Diane set a positive intention for herself and practice self-awareness during the reunion.
Diane promised to try something new. She would practice noticing her frustration when it came up, acknowledge it, and release it with love. This shifted the focus from what her family was thinking and doing to what she was thinking and doing. It brought her You back into the equation. Diane agreed that her own thoughts and actions were the only place she had the power to make a change.
As a result of the experiment, Diane was able to make it through the reunion with less suffering while remaining true to herself. She was able to start practicing whom and what to focus on when she was with her family and to observe herself within the situation. Immediately Diane could see new possibilities for family relationships from this perspective.
Step 3:
Take Action Daily
When you have a fearful thought:\r
- \r
- Take a deep breath, breathing from your abdomen (which is your physical power center), and bring yourself out of the future and back into the present\r
- Notice it, acknowledge it, and release it with love\r
- As an experiment, consider taking a different action from your habitual reaction\r
- Feel the fear and do it anyway\r
Step 4:
Evolutionary Step
Use change of focus as an environment for Personal Evolution.\r Usually we focus on our thinking. We are like heads walking around without bodies! Our emotions are like threads leading back to the source of our being. Change your focus from thinking to emotions as a way to create more balance in your life.
When you feel a strong negative emotion, become as expansive as you can imagine, allowing the opposite emotion to surface. Start by imagining that you begin to feel the opposite way about the person or situation. By changing your focus and having a fuller experience of all emotions, you expand your capacity to focus your attention on emotions, and experience being more than the emotions.
Experiment with working on a negative emotion - Working on the fear of loss:
The next time you feel that someone has taken something away from you, imagine giving something to that person. What happens for you when you think about loss from this perspective? What do you think would happen for the other person?
If you feel courageous after using your imagination, try actually doing it.
Write down the results of this experiment:
What did you notice about yourself?
What did you notice about the other person?
PS When you run this experiment do it with something small to start out with. This will help you to build your muscle for doing something different in the face of a feeling of loss.
Step 5:
Transcendence
The Essential You is the one who is greater than all the emotions. At the heart of all emotions is a ground or basis that is greater than all the emotions and that ground is love. From love, the direction of emotions changes from thinking and memories to the heart of our being. When we are grounded in this awareness, we can begin to practice walking on water.
Eventually we get so good practicing walking on water that we become the water and there is nothing to fear, there is nothing to lose or gain. We dont have to be courageous, or change our perspective. We will not be able to be truly secure unless we have this knowledge: I am infinite.
To unfold the awareness of the source of thinking, acting, and emotions, put your attention on that source, the Essential You. Close your eyes and see the space behind your closed eyes. Who sees the space with closed eyes?
Excerpted from Walk on Water: How to Make Change Easier (Change Agent Press, 2005) by Lea Belair. To receive a free download of the introduction to this book go to http://www.walkonwaterthebook.com
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